I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
