Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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