you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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