Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
its liver damage thursday
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