I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i came on her dog
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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