ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
