Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
