he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
