i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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