Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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