Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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