So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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