All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Plan B is the new Plan A
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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