I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
