3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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