whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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