No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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