there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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