I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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