How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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