i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
