I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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