My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had to cum in my sink.
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