I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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