A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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