Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.