Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
