i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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