Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
