alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"