he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do