some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?