You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
