I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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