apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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