Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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