I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
