So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
