U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped