Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??