Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(260): View more from Indiana

My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck

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(260): My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck http://tfl.nu/clun

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(660): View more from Missouri

I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

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(660): I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better. http://tfl.nu/xn35

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.

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(412): One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging. http://tfl.nu/rajk

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(513): View more from Ohio

Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

(478): View more from Georgia

I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

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(513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec

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(516): View more from New York

she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

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(516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu

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(530): View more from California

I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

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(530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt

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(510): View more from California

EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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(510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

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(336): Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye http://tfl.nu/fu4x

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

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(314): Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation. http://tfl.nu/d9l2

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.

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(+44): When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone. http://tfl.nu/uct6

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.

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(920): Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA. http://tfl.nu/o6qd

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(901): View more from Tennessee

You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."

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(901): You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants." http://tfl.nu/f9vw

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

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(412): I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden. http://tfl.nu/eagc

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.

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(902): I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/cu8d

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(616): View more from Michigan

i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.

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(616): i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm. http://tfl.nu/enq5

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