Where is the hickey?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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