I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
