So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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