I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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