That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
