it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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