if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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