so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
