turn off your phone and go to bed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom