let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji