I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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