out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
