The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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