dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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